Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Jokey Smurf

Do you remember Jokey Smurf? The really annoying guy who always gave his friends a bright yellow and red-ribboned gift that blew up?

Today I was Jokey Smurf.

My co-worker Jason Bourne was "out sick" earlier this week. He had "food poisoning" and was "working at home." Capri opined that he was, in fact, sipping margaritas while sitting on the beach. He replied that he was sitting, but he wasn't sitting on the beach.

Bax, Phileas Fogg, FSkadden, and I had lunch at Lublae, which, as you know, we lovingly call Target Thai. Phileas Fogg observed that I have the diction of a teenager with all my abbreviated text-speak (i.e., I actually say "OMG" or "WTF" in real life). He admitted that he used to think "LOL" stood for "lots of love." We all cracked up, especially when Phileas Fogg said he thought it was really weird when his assistant ended an e-mail with "LOL" long ago when he still thought it was the equivalent of hugs and kisses.

Then it came to me.

Bax and I moseyed on over to Target after lunch. I had to buy some toilet paper and shampoo. She had to get a card and toothbrush. When we were in the toilet paper section, we bought a little extra something. When we were in the card section, we also bought a little extra something.

We put it all together...

...and left it on Jason Bourne's chair after he'd gone home.

Can't wait for the reaction tomorrow.

From Jason Bourne and Phileas Fogg.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

God From a Machine

What a day. What. A. Day. I was frazzled all day long. I had to serve supplemental testimony today, and the client didn't give me the information I needed until 3-fucking-30.


I synthesized and composed everything in just 30 minutes and handed over the goods to my assistant to prepare for service. I will not go into details, but the process angered me.

All the while, I could only think of all the other things that were due later this week. Most importantly, my first evidentiary hearing was coming up on Thursday. It's my industry's quasi-equivalent of a trial, and it was all mine. I still had three witnesses to prep. Argh.

Then I looked at my calendar more carefully and had my second oh-shit moment in the past few weeks.

It turns out I was double-booked for Thursday. I had a very very very important meeting with all the bigwigs during my hearing.


I don't even know how that happened. Well, that's not exactly true. I do have some thoughts, but these, too, anger me, and I will again avoid going into details. Regardless, I had to take responsibility for the mix-up and figure out some way to fix this somehow, short of cloning myself.

I went to visit Bax. She's been sick as a dog for, like, ever. I was happy to see that she was much better today. Yay! I told her my woes, and she assured me I'd devise some sort of solution. I always do. I'm crafty like that.

We decided it was worth a shot to ask the administrative law judge for a continuance, even at this late date, so I planned to do that tomorrow morning during our scheduled conference call.

After being comforted by my friend that things would likely be ok somehow, I headed back to my office, where I spied the following e-mail from the ALJ in my inbox:
Ms. Monkey and Mr. Complainant: I have just been notified by our downtown LA office that large public demonstrations are expected on May 1 in downtown. Please see the link below. I suggest that we discuss the possibility of rescheduling the hearing during our call tomorrow. Thank you.
No fucking way!

I forwarded the beautiful e-mail to Bax, and we had this interchange:
Bax: Wow -- talk about a deus ex machina moment. You are clearly one of God's favorites. Seriously, that's almost weird, especially given you just talked about wanting that exactly five minutes ago in my office. Hey, you just proved the Secret! One of my friends truly believes that certain people have a stronger power to make things happen that they want for some reason. Congrats!!!
Monkey: It's creepily awesome! ;)
I am a lucky Monkey. And I love my friend because she says things like "deus ex machina moment."

Monday, April 28, 2008

I Heart Nelly Yuki

It's Gossip Girl time again!


Things I liked:
  1. Nelly Yuki! Nelly Yuki! She's lactose intolerant, wears gigantic glasses, and is Blair Waldorf's biggest academic rival. Nelly Yuki's boyfriend Todd dumps by her at a Flo Rida concert. Flo Rida! Love it.
  2. After having stolen Nelly Yuki's calculator batteries and having effectively destroyed Nelly Yuki's (yes, you must say her full name at all times) chances at a good SAT score, Blair utters the best line: "Mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package."
  3. Vampire Weekend's "Campus" was playing in the Brooklyn coffeehouse where Vanessa works! Woohoo!
  4. Vanessa and Nate bond over souvlaki and start to fall in love while walking the sidewalks of Brooklyn. [swoon]
Things I didn't like:
  1. Michelle Trachtenberg. Ugh! Hate her! I didn't like her in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I didn't like her in EuroTrip. She is horrible. She makes everything worse. @#$%^&*!
  2. I am disappointed that Serena is relying on Chuck to cover for her.
  3. Why do all television characters want to go to Yale? I just don't get this. It's like Gilmore Girls all over again.
  4. Dan is no longer his usual witty self. So boring. So lame.
Can't wait to see who drops the Gay Bomb next week!


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Girls on Film

I haven't had a girls-only weekend since my bachelorette weekend, so this weekend was a welcome diversion, especially in between two tough workweeks. It was only fitting that we went to San Diego, just like I had two years ago for my bachelorette weekend.

Several girls had gone down to San Diego on Friday, and a few of us joined them Saturday. My Saturday started out with a trip to Albertson's with tater and CBB for bottled water. $3.99 for 24 bottles of Crystal Geyser! Score!
The rug sale outside was most intriguing. I really wanted CBB to crouch down to pretend to be a cheetah, but tater's mimicking of the woman was the best I could do.
The very thoughtful CBB did, however, take this opportunity to give me the cutest little belated birthday gift -- a Paul Frank key cap! I love that she understands that I don't like just any monkey. Some people can't seem to get this into their puny little heads. I like Julius! No other monkey will do! Thank you, CBB! I love it!
When we arrived at Hotel Solamar, we were greeted with personalized goodie bags made by a few of our OC friends. Inside these bags were candy, a muffin, and a personalized tumbler. So cute and perfect for our weekend!
Hotel Solamar was pretty cool. I liked our room very much.

After we got settled a bit, we headed out to the pool to hang out with the girls who were already there.
We dined on a bunch of tasty goodies in our cabana.

Pool activities varied. Some were active.

Some were not.
Some defied classification.
Pool time was followed by short naps, chilling out with magazines, and/or chatting. Room 406 was having a nice quiet little afternoon until it was attacked by a bunch of wild animals!
Hotel Solamar has interesting bathrobes, to say the least. I was laughing so hard during all of this! Eventually, we Room 406ers put on our animal-print robes, too, and we took a group picture with Katie's tripod cam.
san diego girls trip 123
Then it was time to get ready to go out.

I'm not really sure why, but everyone in this room wanted a photo with me.

In the hall, on the way to the elevator, we saw the Grossest. Sight. Ever.
We waited in the lobby for some laggers.

Then we headed to an Irish pub for grub.

Dinnertime is fun with these girls!

Cat and LYB were particularly expressive. Why? "It's my thing!"

Outside the restaurant, we convinced a hapless pedestrian to take our picture.
10Years and APK were delighted to discover the Philippine Library Museum.
The Gaslamp District is great because you can walk everywhere.

Altitude Sky Bar and Garden Lounge was our first destination.

It had a great view... bartenders who made delicious drinks...

...popped collars...
...iPod commercial-like screens...
...and good times!

When we got outside, Young Love was accosted by a tall woman who was ecstatic to run into another tall woman.
Funny enough, the weird tall woman was accompanied by a short friend, so that short friend and our very own Mrs50% jumped into the photo, too. Hilarious.
Next stop was the Hard Rock rooftop.

We were intrigued by this girl's failure to commit to her daring fashion choice. If you're going to wear a plunging neckline, do it. Don't wear a crappy white cotton racerback underneath it.

Mrs50% had a blast dancing on our little mattress.
But she was dejected when she was told she couldn't.
No mattress-dancing notwithstanding, more good times ensued.

Post-Hard Rock, some of us went for late-night eats, and some of us opted for more late-night festivities. It's not hard to guess which group I joined.

Maryjane's Coffee Shop was exactly what our late-night-eats group needed.

Here's the Piggy Group in our hotel lobby after the late-night foodfest.
The Piggy Group then further split up into the Sleepy Group and Go-Out-for-More-Fun Group. Can you guess which group I opted for this time?

My dear roommates and I retired to Room 406 for a good night's rest; we were the lightweights who went to bed at 2:00 a.m. So began our happy title of Drama-Free Zone. The heaviest discussion we had that night was whether we were night or morning showerers, and then we created the Clean Bed and the Dirty Bed. (I was in the Clean Bed, in case you were wondering.)

I woke up around 9:45 a.m. briefly and then went back to sleep and then woke up again not long after around 10ish. Everyone was still asleep when I went to take my second shower. I'm weird like that. Near the end of my shower, I got a knock on the bathroom door, telling me to come out. When I came out, we had visitors! We all had a good time chatting, laughing, and drinking much needed bottled water before we all got ready for the day.

A few girls had left earlier that morning (without saying goodbye to Room 406 -- for shame!), but the rest of us had our last meal together in San Diego at Broadway Taco Company.

My carnitas and carne asada tacos really hit the spot, and the carne asada fries across the table from me were pretty damn good morning-after treats, too. The only things that would've made lunch even better were (1) air conditioning and (2) no crazy old lady poking us in our backs, asking whether or not we were "staying here," whatever that meant.

Bellies filled and bodies hydrated, we bid each other adieu and headed back home to reality. I'm so weak-sauce that I'm totally tired now, but I'm elated I got to spend time with these girls before my crazy workweek begins again.

Awesome weekend. To those who couldn't make it, I missed you. To those who did make it, thanks for getting me out of my rut. I really needed this. Hugs to all!
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