Thursday, December 21, 2006

Fat Monkey! That Chunky Monkey!

First, sincerest apologies to The Beastie Boys. I've never been a skinny girl. In fact, when I was in fifth grade, I was over 150 pounds and about 4'9". I was pretty much the shape of a bowling ball. I'd post pics, but I destroyed them all. You think I jest.

Luckily, I thinned out a little growing up. Throughout high school and college, I maintained a fair physique. Even, in law school, when I gained a couple pounds, I still looked fine. Again, mind you, I was never skinny, but I wasn't embarrassed to show myself.

See? That's me in the coconut bra. Long story.

Yes, I know that nobody else is scantily clad. Shut up.

Anyway...the days of my ability to wear a coconut bra ended once I started working. I am 5'3". In the above photo, I was about 120 pounds.

Fast-forward eight years to December 2005. 160 pounds. Yikes!

Our wedding was slated for August 19, 2006. I knew I had to do something. I love to eat. I mean, I really love to eat. Dieting was not an option. I also love to watch television. Like, a lot.

My solution? I bought an elliptical and forced myself to ride it any time I watched TV. Result: I was 145 on my wedding day. A far cry from the days of the coconut bra, but at least I wasn't a bowling ball again. Here's the photographic proof. Woohoo!

Ack!  I hope I can breathe!

Ok, now here's the pathetic part. Fast-forward to the present. After a mere four months of no longer riding my elliptical (which now functions as a handy-dandy extra clothes-hanging rack), I am back at a whopping 162.


Thus, the subject of this blog entry is my new personal tagline. And I have no one to blame but myself.

(It's really the honeymoon's fault. Eating gelato three times a day for two weeks does a body bad, but, damn, that stuff is good.)

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