Bougie Burgers: Minetta Tavern

I've been wanting to eat at Minetta Tavern for years now.  It can be hard to score a dinner reservation, but I had no problems getting a table for four for brunch.

Mr. and Mrs. PropTart met us at this old-school establishment.  Minetta Tavern touts itself as "a Parisian steakhouse meets classic New York City tavern."

Fairly accurate description.

We shared a few starters.

Mesclun salad with warm goat cheese ($14).

Simple and tangy greens.  The warm goat cheese stole the show.  Of course.  Mmm.

Duck hash ($9).

Cast-iron awesomeness.  Beautifully browned.  Tender.  Juicy.  Salty.  Wonderful.

Thick cut bacon ($9).

Look at it.  Look at it some more.  Yeah.  You know it.

I didn't photograph the PropTarts' meals, so they could enjoy them immediately.  Mr. Monkey was not as lucky, but he's used to my nonsense.  Obviously.

Minetta Burger with cheddar and caramelized onions ($17).

Fabulous.

Black Label Burger -- selection of prime dry-aged beef cuts with caramelized onions ($26).

Even more fabulous.  This is the one to get, folks.  This is the burger.

Tarte demoiselles tatin -- caramelized upside-down apple tart with crème fraîche ($9).

Sugary fruity happiness.

Coconut layer cake with crème fraîche pastry cream and toasted shavings ($9).

Even this coconut hater loved her bite.  Really nice cake.

Was the famous Black Label Burger everything I dreamed it would be?  Some consider it the best burger in the nation.  I enjoyed it very much, and I felt fine paying $26 for it.  That's a pretty good endorsement, right?

Fantastic Flagstaff Fare: Diablo Burger

After the Grand Canyon, we headed to Flagstaff and had a late lunch at Diablo Burger. The place is tiny, very popular, and totally worth the wait.

You place your order at the cashier, and a friendly server brings your food to you.

All of the burgers here are made from local open-range-raised, growth-hormone-free, grass-fed beef.  Unless you specify otherwise, your burger will be cooked to medium-rare perfection.

Gosling's Ginger Beer ($2.50) and Stewart's Diet Root Beer ($2.50).

I love anything Gosling.  Baby geese.  Ryan.  And ginger beer.  And, as far as diet stuff goes, Stewart's Root Beer is tops.

DB House -- blackening spice, homemade pesto, over-easy fried egg ($11.25).

The fried egg was no joke.  I got egg on my face.  And hair.  And pants.  And I loved it.

Blutarsky -- blackening spice, bacon, sharp cheddar, guacamole ($11.25).

Crazy awesome.  Really, just read those ingredients.  Can't go wrong.  See that green stuff in the small black container?  It's a side of homemade pesto for the phenomenal fresh-cut double-fried-in-peanut-oil Belgian-style frites seasoned with herbes de Provence that come with every fancy, juicy burger.

Diablo Burger doesn't mess around.  These are serious burgers for serious burger fans.  If you ever find yourself in Flagstaff, make sure you pay a visit!

Burger Time: Holsteins

Holsteins at The Cosmopolitan serves great shakes and burgers.

The food is overpriced for what it is, but we still had a very good experience.

Complimentary popcorn.

Black and white milkshake ($8).

Philly cheez steak spring rolls with "udder" sauce ($12).

The Rising Sun -- Kobe beef, teriyaki glaze, nori furikake, crispy yam, spicy mayo, tempura avocado ($16.50).



Gold Standard -- dry-aged beef sirloin, smoked bacon, aged goat cheddar cheese, tomato confit, baby arugula, garlic-chive aioli ($17.50).



Holsteins Happy Meal -- pumpkin pie slider, churro fries, pomegranate "ketchup" ($14).

Dessert was so adorable, but the burgers and shake were the clear winners. Truly excellent. If you can stomach the inflated costs, Holsteins is worth a visit.

Unmemorable: The Burger Kitchen

********THIS RESTAURANT IS NOW CLOSED.********

The Burger Kitchen wasn't terribly special. I'm told that it will be featured on Kitchen Nightmares in the future. The place has probably already revamped its menu since my visit, so this review may be fairly useless to you.

The Kitchen Nightmares appearance was kind of weird news to me because, while I didn't find The Burger Kitchen terribly special, I didn't find it especially terrible either.

Margo's Bark Root Beer ($2.50).

It had bite! Yum!

The one thing that was kind of terrible at The Burger Kitchen was the pricing of some items, but the burgers are purportedly made of special 40-day-dry-aged Pat La Frieda meat.

I guess Pat La Frieda is burger code for "you can charge a shitload." I suppose it didn't hurt that this particular burger also had lobster on it.

Fear not. We did not die and go to heaven $50 poorer. But we did spend a decent chunk of change on some other offerings.

The Natural Burger -- butter lettuce, grilled tomatoes, caramelized onions, white cheddar ($26).

It was fine, but it didn't make me sing the praises of Pat La Frieda. This makes me wonder what The Burger Kitchen may have been doing wrong because Pat La Frieda supplies the legendary Minetta Tavern, right? Or would I be unappreciative of Minetta, too?

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

BLT -- maple-glazed bacon, arugula, breaded sliced tomato, herb aioli dressing ($8.50).

I'm not really sure why Mama Monkey ordered this. I guess she didn't feel like having a burger. It was a BLT. Nothing more to say beyond that.

Capitol Burger -- lettuce, glazed apples, bleu cheese ($11). We added bacon to it, too.

Now here's a burger that's better priced! This was made of non-Pat La Frieda beef. I honestly couldn't tell the difference in the meat. How sad for me.

Beer-battered onion rings ($4.50).

Less batter would be better!

I didn't hate The Burger Kitchen, but there are certainly better burger places in L.A. Perhaps Kitchen Confidential has since whipped this place into shape. I know, if Gordon Ramsay were yelling at me, I probably wouldn't spear my burgers with stupid eye-poking skewers.

Very Wrong: Venice Room

Someone with terrible taste took me to the Venice Room (2428 S. Garfield Ave., Monterey Park). It looked sort of cool and retro from the outside.



But then I stepped inside. It's a dump, one that is stuck in the '70s.

The daily lunch special is a cook-your-own steak with baked potato, salad, bread, and butter. It's $7.75 for a 7-ounce steak and $13.50 for a 13-ounce steak. You get what you pay for.

I paid for it in the bathroom all afternoon.

And you know what? I was stupid enough to return because another person with terrible taste convinced me to try Wednesday Burger Day.

Hamburger ($6.00).


Jalapeño burger with Swiss cheese ($6.00).


Steak sandwich with grilled onions ($6.00).


Bacon burger with American cheese ($6.00).

Believe it or not, I spent another afternoon in the bathroom. I hate this place.