Friday, October 19, 2007

Perspective

I had another surprisingly pleasant day at work. I got my motion filed before noon. I had a lot of laughs thanks to some Photoshop e-mail trickery. I chowed on some yummy Cuban food at El Colmao with my co-workers. I laughed some more at happy hour.

I was ready to blog about all of this when I got home, but I checked my personal e-mail first and read a message from my dad. During a routine medical check-up, some numbers came up abnormally high. He saw his urologist yesterday, who suggested a biopsy to determine whether it was prostate cancer.

I called my dad, and it took everything in me not to sob. I know it could very well be nothing -- and I hope it is -- but even the possibility of cancer got me teary-eyed. At one point during our call, my dad asked if I was still there. I was. I just couldn't speak because I was crying as quietly as I could, dabbing my eyes with tissue, and trying not to sniffle. I didn't want him to know I was crying, so I talked to him some more in my best non-crying voice. I think I pulled it off.

But now the tears are rolling down my cheeks, as I sit here alone typing. Mr. Monkey is on a plane to Denver. His mother died of cancer in 1999.

My brother and I are having lunch with my dad tomorrow.

I'm scared.

23 comments:

  1. I'm sorry for this scare and hope your family receives good news as soon as possible. Remember that your love and strength will carry him through whatever this ends up being -- he probably doesn't want to hear you crying, but I'm sure he'd love an extra "I love you" at lunch. [h+p]

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  2. I'm sorry, S. I am keeping you in my thoughts.

    :::hugs:::

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  3. Wow, how scary. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I'm sending good thoughts and vibes your way.

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  4. I'm so sorry. All you can do is be positive and *try* not to worry. Something like this always reminds us how important our family is. I'm definitely sending good healthy vibes your way.
    Some extra :::Hugs::: too :)

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  5. thanks for sharing so openly exactly how you feel right now.

    h+p for real, even if you don't want the p part. ;)

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  6. S - I'm hoping the news from the doctor comes back ok. My wish is for you and your dad to find strength and comfort in each other, your family and friends. Thank you for sharing.

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  7. I hope the news comes back good and until then, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Thanks for sharing, I can only imagine what you are going through right now.

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  8. h+p from me too, monkey, don't worry, my "p" are from the same faith ;)

    My mom had a growth in her neck a few years ago, they did a biopsy and it was benign. She took medication and it has subsided. Even though it still wasn't fun enduring that hell and her menopause at the same time, our family definitely appreciates each other more because of times like those.

    Just let your dad know that you love him, in every way that you can.

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  9. I'm sending lots of healthy vibes your way, my dear. I'm always here anytime you need to chat.

    And by "here" I mean "on your blog." I am here ALL THE TIME. :-)

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  10. h+p (in the least cheesiest way possible) to you and your family. I have faith all will be ok.

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  11. awww i am sorry to hear that, but again you don't know so don't be scared it will be okay =)

    {{{hugs}}}

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  12. I'll be thinking of you and Papa Monkey today. h+good thoughts going your way!

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  13. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. I hope everything is okay! [h+p]

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  14. I am so sorry. It's the worst feeling in the world to think something might be wrong with your parent's health. I will definitely be sending good thoughts your way.

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear that, WeeMo. Sending lots of healthy vibes you way.

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  16. I'm really sorry to hear this wemo, amd I really hope that your worries are im vaim. You might be our circus momkey, but we all kmow you're a humam with feelimgs amd emotioms too amd I'm grateful that you shared this with us. YGM my friemd.

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  17. You know I will hoping for the best and sending my love. I'm here for you if you need anything. Anything.

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  18. hi, weemo. that is so scary. one thing: prostate cancer is highly treatable. keep that in mind. when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, i was devastated. i took a whole weekend and cried continuously. i t was unstoppable. but after i was able to stop the flood, i realized: my dad was still alive. i refused to mourn him while he was still here. luckily, they caught the cancer early and they operated, and he has been cancer-free for over a year (knock on wood). although i certainly had my sad, dark moments--and i definitely did--it helped to channel my thoughts into envisioning killing the cancer cells, channeling all my healthy thoughts. i still think about it every day. i am keeping you in my thoughts ('m not really the praying type), and i'm sending healthy thoughts to your dad. i've been there, so anytime if you wanted to talk, please feel free to contact me. i know you don't know me, but it might help. what i'm really hoping is that you get good news from the doc instead.

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  19. Keep your chin up. Could be nothing.
    And that would be a huge relief.

    Laugh alot over lunch with dad.

    No matter what- good or bad results just remind him you love him.

    And that will mean the most.

    No matter what the results.

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  20. oh, S. i'm sorry to hear this. you know i love you and am keeping all of you in my thoughts - h+p, but not the cheesy sort. :)

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  21. I'm back and I'm catching up. I'm sure you've posted the update already but just wanted you to know that I got choked up with you. I hate cancer. I'm sure your daddy is fine. Thinking nothing but good thoughts.

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