I had a rather eye-opening lunch with my friend and co-worker Ironman today. Ironman, who is a partner, asked me to lunch to discuss a number of work issues, namely the way I'd been handling one of his cases, which was less than great, to put it mildly. Sad to say, amidst all the madness at work in the past month or so, this case had gotten a bit neglected.
I've really got to hand it to Ironman. He's another person I admire at work -- a real class act. He is dedicated to his clients, his cases, and his associates, and today was one example of it. It really broke my heart that I'd let him down. Of all the people at work, he's really one of the last people I want to disappoint. He has always been there for me at my low points and has been a great supporter of not only me, but of many other low men on the totem pole who are powerless to effect change.
We had a good talk, and I'm going to make sure that this case doesn't fall through the cracks. I guess I've been having some motivational issues. Maybe I will just focus on beating the girl on the other side. I do like to beat people. ("Beat" as in "defeat" or "triumph over," not "beat" as in "to hit repeatedly so as to inflict pain." Although, truth be told, there are plenty of people in this world I'd like to beat in the latter manner. Some of them are even at work.)
Ironman observed that I don't seem to have the passion for law that Talksa and Lasagna Man do. He's right. I'm much happier prattling about fluff like celebrity gossip or the latest offerings in the world of music and movies, whereas Talksa and Lasagna Man like to talk about their cases. A lot. Sometimes I even have to stop Talksa from babbling because she goes on and on and on and on about her cases, most of which don't involve me in any way. Honestly, it even bores me to some extent, but I do love Talksa for her enthusiasm, even when I want to bang my head on my desk and say, "Enough! I'm not on these cases! I don't care!"
Yet, when I do care about a case and when I put my mind to it, I'm good at what I do. Actually, when I really work hard, I generate very good work product. A large part of any success I earn at work hinges upon whether I am putting forth a sincere effort, and, admittedly, a sincere effort from me may not happen everyday on every case. In contrast, I know that Talksa always puts her best foot forward. The law is her life. Her life is the law. I envy her for loving the law so much. Her blissful practice of law is like the equivalent of my being a paid food critic. Or travel guide writer. Or...blogger.
I left work after 10 p.m. tonight, which sucked ass, but was better than last night's near midnight departure. I often wonder why I continue doing something that I don't absolutely love. Ironman confessed that much of the first half of his career was rather unpalatable until he began working for himself and taking ownership of his cases. I guess there is something to be said about that. I do agree that I prefer working on my cases in which I have little to no direct supervision. I do feel more invested in those cases. Well, I guess I have to be if I'm the only person running the show.
I'm 30, and I've been doing this for six years now. I lost three years of my life preparing for this. That's nine years of doing something that has brought me far more misery than joy, unless you count the paychecks. I suppose money in the bank could be considered cause for joy, but it's a sad sad thing when the only thing that keeps you coming back is money.
And so I present to you the title of this post. Is it time to change horses midstream? To "change horses midstream" means to change plans in the middle of something, even when it may be risky to do so.
For now, I say nay, or, since I'm using a horse idiom, I say neeeiiiggghhh.
Until I hop on another horse, I just need to make sure I do my best on all of my cases.