Saturday, March 1, 2008

When Are You Starting a Family?

Today someone asked me this. Actually, four people asked me this in a span of 30 minutes. I really hate this question.

The answers in my head include the following:
  1. Mr. Monkey and I are a family, thank you very much.
  2. None of your damn business.
  3. I'm not really a fan of babies or children.
  4. I prefer spending money on travel and shoes.
  5. Maybe never.
The answer I usually give? "We're not ready yet." Somehow, this response is more socially acceptable than any of the answers I really want to give.

Don't ask people this question. Not everyone is mother material.

Many people wrongly assume that, because I now have a job with more regular hours, I'm gearing up to be a mommy.

No, I'm gearing up to be more sane.

And, frankly, my sanity doesn't include children any time soon. Or at all.

I'm only two years away from "senior attorney" status at work. This is sort of my company's equivalent of partnership. Am I going to fuck that up by spawning?

Hell no.

If kids are in our future -- and that's a big "if" -- they're not coming into the picture until I have that new title on my business cards, that vaunted special parking spot, and stock options.

And only then will I even contemplate procreating.

Until then, shut the fuck up about babies, ok?


  1. I know how you feel! Like if we don't have kids we are not a 'family'.

  2. You know ,this question bugs me and we already HAVE kids. It's just turned into, "When are you going to have another?"

    Seriously, it's so awesome that you already call yourself a family. I find it so strange when people say, "Now we're a family!!" after they have a baby. Weren't they already a family?!

  3. My two favorite responses to this involve crying:
    1)Start crying and say "how could you tell? Am I already showing? We were going to wait till the 3 month mark to tell people"

    2) Start crying and say "we're infertile. We tried for years and we just can't get pregnant. The thought of not being able to have my own children makes me hysterical"

    My other responses are:
    3) We're looking into getting a dog really soon! Thanks for asking!

    4) What are you talking about? We already have 4 children. Mine is with his father, and Mr. Monkey's all live with their respective mothers.

  4. I like #1. Well said. Also, Kate's #4 is cracking me up! I may borrow that... :)

  5. <3<3<3
    we totally have started our own families by joining with boys. :P

  6. yeah, and folks aren't happy when you DO have a kid. because the very next thing that comes is "when are you going to have another one?"

    STFU, TY&GN.

  7. [golf clap]

    jim and i were very clear with everyone that now that we're married, we ARE a family. no kids, plants or dogs needed.

    i'm still not sure why that un-nerves people.

  8. As one with a kid I get the "when are you going to have another one?" question constantly. When I say we're not, people actually looked confused and automatically say "Aw, you guys have to have one together." Really? Then you have to pay our bills and daycare expenses in order for that to be possible.

  9. People can be so ignorant, I swear. You'd think these asswipes would salute you for not bringing an unwanted child into the world like so many people do. Being married totally makes you a family and not having children does not make you less of a woman, or person for that matter! To me, it is more respectable for people to only have children because they want them, not because they feel it's obligatory of all married couples.

  10. I know it's annoying, but keep in mind that people probably ask that, in part, because you're so adorable fabulous. Do you think ugly people get many procreation requests?

    I'm glad you're enjoying Weemo time. Continue to savor it, just in case one day you do decide to have some wee monkeys running around. You'll miss so much of the old you and your free time, but at least you'll have so many wonderful experiences to look back upon.


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