Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Thoughts on tonight's 90210 premiere:
The show opens rather tritely with Coldplay's "Viva La Vida." Namely, the lyrics "I used to rule the world" heavy-handedly foreshadow the arrival of 2008's version of Brenda and Brandon. They are Annie and Dixon Wilson, and they're from Kansas instead of Minnesota.

Oh, and Dixon is black. Huh?

I love that there is finally a non-white lead (FINALLY), but the adopted son premise is farcical. Farcical, I say! Ugh. Why not just have a black family on the show somewhere? Stupid.

The only thing more ridiculous is that Aunt Becky is New Brenda and New Brandon's mom, and she is a fashion photographer. From Kansas. Truly Laugh[lin]able!

Then there's the ever-cliched alcoholic mother-in-law who hates her daughter-in-law. So cliche that it's cleeshay. Yaaawwwn.

Ok. Things get a little better. MGMT's "Kids" plays in the background. Nice.

Nope. Things get worse. Melrose Place's Rob Estes, the father of New Brenda and New Brandon, is the new principal of West Beverly Hills High. WTF? I'm going to call him Mr. Belding.

And, looky here, Kelly Taylor is the guidance counselor. I knew this, but it's still bizarre.

Ahh, New Brandon is in journalism class! I wonder if he's going to fight a New Andrea for the editor-in-chief position later!

Oh, boo. There is no fortysomething playing New Andrea. There is no New Andrea at all.

Instead there is Navid Shirazi, the second token not-completely-white person on the show. At least Navid makes sense. Actually, he's perfect. A show about Beverly Hills really isn't accurate if there are no Persian people on it. If you lived here, you'd agree. Good job, show runners!

Now who is this sullen bitch seemingly befriending New Brenda? It's none other than Kelly Taylor's and David Silver's little half-sister who answers to...Silver. Hi-ho, Silver! Surly Silver says to New Brenda, "You'll learn to dig me. Just wait."

Hmm. We'll see about that.

And now there is Blonde Superbitch. Ugh. Hate her. Love to hate her already. Of course, she becomes New Brenda's first "friend." We all know how this is gonna go.

OMG! It's Joe E. Tata fumbling with an espresso machine! I can't believe he is still alive and at the Peach Pit. He's, like, 103 years old. But he's still younger than John McCain! Amazing!

New Brandon tries out for lacrosse. It is fabulous to see a black dude tear up the field. Still can't believe the way they got a black guy on the show was to have him be adopted. Really? Is this really the story?

Old Flame (who happens to be Blonde Superbitch's mom) flirts with Mr. Belding. Mrs. Fashion Photographer Belding gets angry. "I can drive you home, and we can swap stories about Harry's penis!" So weird. The dialogue on this show is painful. Not at all clever like my beloved Gossip Girl. These lines are actually hurting me.

Some respite at last -- I hear strains of The Ting-Tings "Shut Up and Let Me Go."

Then there is Silver's blog, aptly called The Vicious Circle. When Kelly Taylor tells Silver that her blog is a terrible thing, Silver responds, "That's what a blog's supposed to do -- cause problems."

Hmm. Still on the fence about this Silver chick.

The kids are romping in the ocean off the Santa Monica Pier. Cleeshay! Again!

New Brenda says to Surly Silver re the blog, "It's kind of mean. It makes me feel like I can't tell you stuff!" Duh. You can't, New Brenda! Even people in Kansas are shouting at you now through the screen. You make Wichita look dumb.

This show is dragging. Gah. Jetsetter takes New Brenda on a whirlwind trip to San Francisco. Snoozer. It's time for me to play Scramble on Facebook.

Brenda! Brenda! Brenda! Ahhhhhh! Excitement over. Nothing happens. Letdown.

Pig prank. I am bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Blonde Superbitch and Lacrosse Asshole drink and hook up. Match made in nasty hell.

It is revealed that Blonde Superbitch and Silver are ex-BFF -- with matching tramp stamps! Like we didn't see this one coming. This is beyond predictable.

And not in a good way.

"They're my pigs, sir. They respond when called by their names." Did you really just say that, Navid? I feel sorry for everyone on this show.

I don't get this Ethan guy. What's the allure? Is he supposed to be Dylan? Not cute. Not a bad boy. Lame. You stupid show, you have sucked all the energy out of me.

"I'm just trying to figure out when to be your dad and when to be your principal." Poor Mr. Belding, the lines you have to recite...I cry for you.

Awkward Crow when Scruffy Teacher comes to Kelly's doorstep. Like flailing and fluttering awkward.

Mr. Monkey continues to wince, as he has since about two hours ago. He is not really watching but is, rather, the unwilling victim of sitting next to me while I rot my brain with this crap. Sorry, Mr. Monkey.

Jetsetter sneaks in for a kiss with New Brenda. Ethan looks on jealously with a stuffed octopus toy. Yeah, it's not just you. It doesn't make sense, and I watched the whole damn two hours.

This show sucks. I don't know if I can do this next week. Dejected.


  1. so glad we did not watch.

    i like saying "farcical" out loud.

    yay for the ting-tings.

  2. Haha. You captured what was wrong with that show so perfectly. I think the only reason I was able to painstakingly get through the 2 hours of it was because I'm medicated. I don't think I'll be making the same mistake again next week.

  3. Maybe I'm the lone voice here, but I actually didn't mind it. I'll watch again next week.

    Did you catch that the broadcaster in the journalism class was Andrea's daughter? (Hannah Zuckerman [Spanish last name belonging to the dad]) And the teacher made a joke about her, "What? Is she like 30?," which I think was an inside reference to Andrea's actual age when that actress was on the show.

  4. I PPH this post. <3

    This show just wasn't right for all of the reasons you mentioned. The only thing that might keep me around for a few more episodes is seeing the Kelly/Brenda storyline evolve. And seeing Kelly confront Jackie about hitting the bottle. Again.

    Nanette beat me to it, but the dig at Hannah Zuckerman Vasquez' age was the only thing that made me laugh out loud.

  5. oh, and no wonder they're all strange. they frolic in the water near santa monica pier. can we say mutation?

  6. Well, I actually liked it.

    I also caught the Hannah Zukerman name.

    I actually laughed when the wife said to the old flame "I can drive you home, and we can swap stories about Harry's penis!"..LOL.....I did think about saying that to an old flame too when I was in that situation just to be a smartass.

    The pilot episode of the original sucked too but i got used to it.

    and, i like the grandma she is a funny old broad!

    I'm looking forward to next week!

  7. *whispering*

    I liked it too, Nanette :) I actually thought the drunken MIL was funny and appropriately snarky! The different plot points (adopted black son, one Persian kid, etc) were all familiar to me, so that was fine.

    Thus far, I am not too sympathetic towards New Brenda and I like the blonde bitchy girl, so we'll see. Also, the druggie actress is meh.

  8. love this recap. I DVR'd it and will probably still watch because I'm a glutton for punishment, but I won't have high (or really, any) expectations.

  9. I am disappointed that the family is from Kansas instead of Minnesota. When we went to Australia, the *only* reason our friends' friends knew where Minnesota was was 90210. Now an entire generation of Aussies will grow up without a Minnesota TV reference.

  10. i wasn't going to watch, but i got home earlier than expected and jim was at a FF draft, so yeah, i got sucked in.

    wasn't great, wasn't horrible. i'll probably watch next week.

    the gal that plays the blonde bitch played an evil little thing on nip/tuck this past season. she has bitchy and nasty down so very well. <3

  11. Oh my gosh I love the title of this post. It's exactly how I feel about this one - I am vetoing! Perfect recap!

  12. you HAVE to keep watching so that you can keep doing these amusing recaps! [whispering] the show wasn't half bad. will probably tune in next week.

  13. Thanks for the live blogging. Like Nanette, I actually liked it. Especially the Andrea's daughter moment and I was totally heartbroken when he brought her the octopus and she was kissing the other guy (they talk about the stuffed animal earlier at the pool).

    Plus, I own seasons 1 and 2 of the original and they were FAR more cheesy and cringe-worthy. My hugest complaint was the "Walsh" family: why are they so young, hot, and skinny? They are supposed to look out of place and with they're insane mystic tans, they fit right in. Also I totally agree re: Kansas fashion photographer??? Huh?

  14. that's what blogs do, cause trouble.

    i was SO going to name that as my post title.

    agreed the show is lame, but its either that or wifeswap, so this gets my vote :)

    or maybe i should just read a book and learn something hahaha

  15. I will continue watching the show...and I hope you do, too, because this recap was awesome-sical.

  16. For some reasons, I have no desire to watch this show. Probably because Gossip Girl has already filled my trashy tv quota.

  17. mr. d watched it (WILLINGINLY) with me in bed after his FF draft.

    he winced at the frollicking in the ocean. I winced at the adoption, the parade of cliches and the horridly faux hip dialouge (the only thing your AMAZING recap missed was "the crack an egg on that ass" remark! YIKES!)

    but all that being said I will watch it faithfully for the following reasons:

    1) 90210 defined my teenage years
    2) love kelly saying she hasn't been called easy lately. loved her outfits and her hair and her as a mother
    3) the fact that shannen doherty is insane and i could watch crazy for days
    4) the fact that the blonde bitch is a whore for CHANEL
    5) the blogging silver is GENIUS. can't wait to get a peep at the mom
    6) Andrea's kid
    7) 8 letters: JOE E. TATA!!!!!

  18. i was PISSED to find that i forgot to tivo this, and of course was out last night.

    i'm totally going to catch the repeat, and knowing that you hated it but nanette didn't, i'm thinking i'm gonna dig it. heh.

  19. LOL - this is hysterical!!

    I didn't watch it, and probably won't ever.

    I loved the OG 90210... but that was like 15 years ago, wasn't it?

    I just love the fact that there's a Persian on it. And his name's Navid.

  20. I could not get through it and was surprised as I was a 90210 Junkie. I totally agree with you about the adopted black kid - I mean its 2008 we have a black presidential candidate - can there not be at least ONE black family in BH. I'll keep it on TIVO and use it on nights when i cant get to sleep - Gossip Girl Rocks

  21. It lasted about 10 minutes on my TV before hubs changed it. Now I feel like I watched the whole thing. Yay!

  22. I think I will enjoy reading your summaries of the show instead of watching the show itself.

  23. Love this recap. I didn't watch it last night because well, I'm scared of comebacks. If I adored something the first time around, chances are I probably won't enjoy it as much the next time. After reading this though, I'm super intrigued and will definitely be tuning in to see what horrific tv I'm missing.

  24. I so want to love this show for the reasons Diabolina listed. Missed it this week, hope to catch the rerun.

  25. Blogging perfection. And yes, MrKP still insists that it's not that bad. Once again, I will justify that by saying he got his Kelly Taylor fix and Lori Laughlin's hotness.

    Otherwise, I wouldn't know how to explain it.

  26. Meant to watch this, but sounds like I didn't miss anything. Love the subject and recap, though!

  27. Hubbs said it was painful to watch too. I missed it so I'll have to follow up via TiVo.


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