Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mixing Work and Play

One event I really loved at my old firm was our annual firm retreat. I had some really great times at those retreats. Today marks the first day of the CIA's "off-site." I hope it will be just as fun.

Behold the hotel grounds.
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Interesting sculptures.
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Lots of flowers, especially orchids.
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My room.
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I got a ginseng herbal facial this afternoon from a very direct Eastern European woman who (1) gave me bruises on my arms from overzealous massaging; (2) attempted extraction on a tiny cyst on my face that I've had since birth, leaving a Gorbachev-sized red mark on my left cheek; and (3) insinuated that I have a mustache.

Eastern European Woman: You wax your lip?
Monkey: Uh, no.
Eastern European Woman: You want to wax?
Monkey: Uh, no.

And now I am a bit self-conscious about looking like Groucho Marx.

But not enough to do anything about it. It's a tough battle sometimes, but my frugality usually triumphs over my vanity. Good for my checkbook, bad for the general public who has to look at my damn mustache.

Here's where I was informed I have a facial hair problem.
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After changing out of my cupcake t-shirt and flip-flops, I headed to cocktail hour, where I noshed on small bites and learned of our upcoming dinner activity.
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What the hell is "saughter"? Ugh.

If you haven't guessed already, we had a murder mystery dinner. I shit you not. At least I liked everybody at my table. Unrelatedly, it was revealed tonight that Whipping Boy worked at Wienerschnitzel for over a year, so I hereby decree that he shall henceforth be known as Wienerdude.

Wienerdude > Whipping Boy. No doubt.

Question: Who is redder? A sunburned Wienerdude or a slightly tipsy Purell?
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Answer: A sunburned Wienerdude!

Dinner was reminiscent of what you get at a wedding reception.
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But this part was not wedding-like. Say it with me, folks -- I see dead people.
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This picture speaks for itself.
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Weird moments during the murder mystery included a shout-out to my blogging alias by the murder mystery "detective" and a bizarre Asian joke at my expense.


I was given this magnifying glass as a prize for being the victim of public humiliation and a totally inappropriate racial quip.
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Because a free toy magnifying glass makes everything better.

For the slow readers out there, this is called sarcasm. S-A-R-C-A-S-M. Got it? Carry on.

We entertained ourselves while the game wore on. Some even contemplated snorting lines of crushed Smarties.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Then we headed to the hospitality suite. I played a few rounds of DDR Extreme with Purell. I really suck at this game, but it was free! Whee!
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I figured it'd be poor form to get sloppy drunk during my first off-site, and I had little interest in anything else offered in the suite, so I went back to my safe haven of a room and read my MCLE packet while taking a nice long bubble bath.

Dorkiness + Luxury = Good End to the Day


  1. the cia is really dorky.

    at least they splurged for a nice hotel?

  2. Welcome to my neck of the woods. Have fun!

  3. love the pic of the rolled up bill and lines of smarties!! haha.

    p.s. i hate company functions.

  4. Just sniff the flowers, take your baths, and repeat "Serenity Now."

  5. while getting pedis yesterday, a lady asked my friend if she wanted an eyebrow wax. when she politely said no, the lady retorted, "but you need it!" we were speechless! anyway, i'm glad you were able to soak away the day with a nice bath. i looove taking baths to relax.

  6. sounds like a blast :/
    at least the hotel is purtty.

  7. Oooh - I know where you are staying! Nice place :)

    Yeah, murder mystery? I had a murder mystery party for my sweet 16. That was 13 years ago. It was kind of cool "then."

    Hope the rest of your retreat goes splendidly :)

  8. Am I the only person who likes murder mystery stuff? It's totally fun!

  9. the snorting smarties made me laugh! also, very jealous of the spa ...

  10. wow, no wonder my boss visits The Aviara once a mth.

  11. Sorry you had to deal with crap. Loved the smarties though.

  12. Wow. See why I hate company functions? Absolutely waste of time.

  13. you crack me up. i can just see you being like [during the dead people at the wedding reception].. "is this really happening? This is going to totally make my Monday blog post"

  14. i've sort of always wanted to go to a murder mystery dinner...but now i'm reconsidering, haha.

  15. What do I <3 more than reading your blog? Reading your blog while soaking in a bubble bath at a 5 star resort! Yay!

  16. Misery loves company. And at least you have good company. Imagine if you had to attend this thing without cool co-workers. And I suggest next time, you drink. A lot.

  17. ok, i'm sorry...but this does not sound like work to me. how 'bout mixing workfriends with play?
    also, i am pretty sure you don't need a lip wax.
    that is all.

  18. I've totally gotten that "Do you wax your upper lip" comment when I'm getting other things taken care of. I always feel like Luigi Mario leaving the salon.

  19. um, WTF??? what was the racial quip?? FFFFFFF.

    and you DO NOT have a groucho marx situation. i am the moustache police because I have one so i would have noticed, capish?

  20. The pictures of "dead" co-workers made me snort.

    At least it's a nice hotel, right? It could be worse...

  21. You sooooo don't have a 'stache. I hope you didn't tip her, though!

    BTW, Leslie, you aren't the only one who likes murder mystery stuff. It was fun. Especially since we were drunk. :D

  22. Yes, you are right. That picture of Weinerdude says it all. *groan*

  23. You read your MCLE packet? You are a geek.

  24. ugh to mustache remark and asian joke. i'm annoyed.


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